she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
