so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize