So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
