shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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