This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
