Acid is not a monday night drug
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
