Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
