puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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