why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
