The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
