please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So here I am, sexting at work.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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