I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
