sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
