please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
