he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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