i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
