I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Is it because I queefed?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
