Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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