I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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