K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
