she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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