go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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