You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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