Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
