Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
