im six kinds of drunk right now
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How external is "for external use only"?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
