I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
