so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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