She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
