The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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