we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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