And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
