I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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