i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
