my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
