forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
