You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
