Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize