I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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