ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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