whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
