I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
