Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
