I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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