FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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