Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
