I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
