1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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