So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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