If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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