forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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