dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
