im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize