My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
