God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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