oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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