how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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