What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I had to cum in my sink.
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