Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
