and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
