Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize