Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
