Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
