i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
