I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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