in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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