i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
