What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
