Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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