Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
