Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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