His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
