And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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