you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
