my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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