Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
