Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
