the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
