I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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