I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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