I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
