What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
