i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You're like the curious george of whores
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
