Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
