How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
