i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
