Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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