Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
