And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
