You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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