I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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