Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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