he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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